I don’t consider my blog a journal, but one of the goals of this blog is to validate that a Christian person can go through many things and have many emotions while remaining a faithful person.

That said, some days suck. Some weeks or months suck. Over the past few weeks, I have taken a series of blows that have left me weary and deeply wounded.

This morning at church my heart was not there. Instead there was bitterness and anger and sadness. I couldn’t sing, couldn’t pray, just couldn’t engage.

The service was fantastic. Great sermon, wonderful songs… in fact, we sang one of my favorite songs, “Sweetly Broken” by Jeremy Riddle. The chorus is as follows:

At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees,
And I am lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

This is a beautiful song and beautiful sentiment, but today it drove daggers into my heart. All I could think was, “Draw me gently to my knees”? Really? Because it sure feels like I just had my legs cut out from under me, anything but gently. And “sweetly” broken? I feel like someone’s taken a sledge hammer to me.

I know the truth of the message in the lyrics, but at the same time, sometimes it just hurts. Yesterday I happened to read the passage from Luke 9, where Jesus promises suffering for his disciples, yet still calls them to take their cross and follow. This song takes that gritty, hard teaching of Jesus and paints it in a much softer light.

Life promises to break us, and I would much rather be broken by God than the world, but that doesn’t guarantee it will be sweet. Some days it’s a bitter pill to swallow.

PS- Check out the new poll question in the left column.

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